Forgiving the Unaware Offender

Q: When you are angry with someone, how can you forgive them if they don’t even know you’re upset?

A: Forgiveness is something we are told to do throughout the Bible – in fact we are told in Matthew 6:14-15 that if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive our sins. Forgiveness is an act of letting go. It is something you do for you as much as for someone else. Being angry with this person who doesn’t even know you’re mad is...
corrupting your heart, not theirs. It is creating an environment for bitterness, anger and hurt to fester…all the while having no effect whatsoever on your offender. Letting go of this anger, truly forgiving this person – in your heart - which means understanding the impact and working through it…not dwelling on it anymore…seriously letting it go – allows you to move on and creates room in your heart for love, peace and grace…the things that are supposed to be there.

When I find myself struggling with forgiveness or dwelling on something in the past that I allegedly had already forgiven, I always think of a line in The Lord’s Prayer that says, “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us”. My interpretation of that line is – “Father, please forgive me for all of the things I’ve done to hurt You – the same way that I forgive those that hurt me.” In that context, it is more important than ever that I not only forgive those who hurt me, but I do so with the grace and compassion that I am asking for from my Father in heaven.